Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
