Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
