I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
