I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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