Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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