Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
