she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
