i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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