Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
