Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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