He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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