I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
