If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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