i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
