If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
