remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
These tits shall not be calmed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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