Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
