How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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