So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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