Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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