I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
