I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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