ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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