I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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