I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
