Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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