what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
