I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
