Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
