Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
