hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
