just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
