i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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