Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
