Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
