Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
