i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
