My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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