The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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