Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
