Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
