how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
