I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
