Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Small penises have feelings too.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
