And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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