He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How does one acquire holy water?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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