After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
