I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
