OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
