sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
