At least make sure they are 18
Why
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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