yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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