I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
