Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
