You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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