My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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