I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
