Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
