So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
