My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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