I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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