in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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