I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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